The Rise and Fall of Loving You

Thoughts resonated in my head for a long time but
I finally walked away from you
obviously we’re not compatible
no sense delaying the inevitable.

Sparkle is gone from your eyes
no longer linger over a kiss
used to fantasize and now we patronize
patience worn thin from dealing with your moods




still I kept clinging because I admire your beauty
knowing you’re not exactly what I want or need
physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally.

Your eyes hypnotize and mesmerize
and kept me holding on
waiting, anticipating, expecting,
hoping something would change…
but it didn’t.

Twice now I have walked away,
deep down inside
that’s what you want and what I need
then why am I having such a hard time letting go?

still look at your pictures
even though you removed mine
desire to call you or mail you online
I refuse to open up that Pandora’s box
not allowing myself to be hurt again by you.

Hope you find what you’re looking for,
what you need
someone who can put up with your many personalities
someone who can live up to your great expectations
it’s certainly not me.

I’ve got to be free, at least from you
been hurt so much you don’t have the capacity to love.

Then why do I still see those eyes, that smile, that hair, complexion,
that body language that once pulled me in your direction?

Why can’t I just let go?
I have forgiven, why can’t I just forget?

Why do I still wake up with thoughts
of you in my brain, driving me insane
keep creeping into my mind
the things we did and said
nights we held each other tight
days in the desert,
the minutes, the hours
the wine and the flowers
the uncontrollable laughter,
the impromptu dance,
endless conversation,
the hugs, the kisses,
the joy, the pain
knowing I’ll never see you again

Why is it so hard for me to let go?

07/01/06 © Lunarmax Productions

Communication

An exceedingly wise woman
author and mother of three
while consumed in conversation shared this thought with me…
“Writing is like giving birth.”
She oughta know... 

And so when I write…
I give birth to interesting ideas
imparting imagery to experience
granting life to a legacy
that will obviously outlive me
become exactly what I want it to be
say exactly what I want it to say
perpetuate my take
my slant
a verbal implant.
Words of dignity…
instead of vanity...
it’s my therapy…
keeps my sanity…
that's what writing does for me.
We all have a unique perspective
only you can express your view
communication is the objective
nobody sees the world quite like you do.
© Lunarmax 2003 All Rights Reserved

Ol' 55

I celebrated my birthday yesterday
with a bit of obvious ambivalence
glad for the experience gained
sad for the things I’ve never changed
it precipitated an objective retrospective
changed my perspective by directive.

Whom have I influenced within my sphere
is the world really any better here
have I made a difference by my presence
or fallen to the acquiescence of obsolescence?


This quest has drawn a certain conclusion
only change is constant … that’s no illusion
knowledge never is perfectly complete
life’s learned lessons are quite bittersweet.

01/28/01 © Lunarmax All Right Reserved

Wonderworld

This is the summer of my discontent
no surprise, I could see it coming.

The pursuit of power was my dream but now I know that fame is not synonymous with success.

Work no longer is a challenge
lost its thrill and cutting edge
more money doesn't fulfill my needs
it only serves to feed my greed.
My soul wants to move on
and my spirit longs to soar
high above to the next level.

Grown weary of the thriving metropolis
the peaking decibels of noise,
the harried frenetic pace of life,
the inescapable stench of pollution,
the deceived, enslaved people
all working on their image control
while the lusty lure of temptation
and the cloak of paranoia abound.

Longing for the earthy aroma of rich farm land,
the taste of cool, fresh spring water on my parched lips,
the golden rays to tan my wanting face
the feel of soft green grass,
the potpourri of wildflower perfume,
ancient trees,
majestic mountains crouching below billowy skies
the cries of wildlife
and the inescapable light of the yellow moon.

Wage war against the spirit of discontent
return to that place of solitude and safety
breathe the cool, crisp morning air of freedom
bask in the baking warmth of summer southern sunshine
bathe in cleansing cold pelting drops of a drenching downpour
become one with nature again,
and again
be accepted for the content of your character
rather than the color of your skin
and measure wisdom by the number of years
rather than by titles or degrees.

© Lunarmax 2001 All Rights Reserved

Solo

Lamplight creates the ambience
as I slip into the dusky dining room

My eyes slowly adjust to the
absence of fluorescence
as I stake my claim at the empty table

No one is aware of my presence here
creating my own atmosphere

Sitting in obscurity,
apathetic about etiquette
extremely aware of my own introversion


Desiring not conversation but rather silence
Preferring solitude over the lonely crowded room.

© Lunarmax 1997 All Rights Reserved

The Mind of Christ

The Mind of Christ
Based on Philippians 2 

In Christ do you have any encouragement?
Any comfort from his love?
Are your hearts tender and compassionate?
Any fellowship from the Spirit above?

Then make me truly happy
loving one another, be kind
agree with each other wholeheartedly,
work together, one purpose, one mind.

Life is too short to be selfish
there’s no need to try to impress.
With humility put others first.
Don’t look out for your own interests.

Have the same attitude as Christ Jesus
who took the humble position of a slave
and was born in human flesh
to offer the way to be saved.

When he appeared in human form,
in humility He obeyed God’s plan
died a criminal’s death on the cross
provided redemption for every man.

God granted Him the highest honor
His name is above all other names
every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
Jesus Christ is Lord, heaven and earth proclaims.

The Green Eyed Monster

envy: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.

Today I learned about the death of Mike Padgett. Mike was the guy who trained me to work in commercial radio many years ago. He was a thin guy, dark haired, olive skinned, dark eyes, and he was just cool. He had a great radio voice and a smooth delivery. Everybody loved him. He had worked in radio since he was 16. He knew exactly what he wanted to do with his life and I admired that. In some ways I envied him. He just seemed to have it all together. I was older than him and being trained by him for a part-time radio position. But I learned today that he died of pancreatic cancer last year.

It seems that I have a history of envying people. A few of them come to mind.

I had a cousin named Barry Moore. We grew up together in Philadelphia but when I was fourteen, my family moved to New Jersey. The next year, Barry’s family moved to New Jersey and he attended my high school. I envied Barry because he grew into fine strapping young man who seemed to be better getting the girls than I was. But one fateful night, while driving home from the prom, he had a tragic car accident that almost decapitated him. He clung to life for a few days but he died at 19 years old. I was one of the pallbearers at his funeral. I had no good reason to envy his life.

I also recall my high school buddy Dennis Clark. We grew up together, had a lot of firsts together, got in a lot of trouble together. But I always envied him because he seemed to have more fun in life than I did. His mother was very lenient, he had a lot of friends, attended a lot of parties and his life just seemed better than mine. As time went by, we went our separate ways. Years later he got married and he got sick on his honeymoon. The doctors said he had yellow jaundice. His health continued to decline, and in time he developed kidney failure. He ended up having two kidney transplants. One day he was hospitalized for pneumonia and because his body was too weak to fight the infection, he died in his thirties, leaving behind a wife and son.

I really had no reason to envy him. It just seemed like his life was better than mine.

I remember Pastor Wayne Barber. He was such a great guy. He was literally a giant of a man with a giant smile. He was such a fun-loving guy, with a wacky sense of humor. He had a beautiful family, pastored a mega church and had an amazing grasp of the Bible. He loved to hunt and fish and always had great stories that he would pepper into his sermons. He was a great expository preacher, one of the best, but unfortunately I envied him. He ended up with ALS, a progressive degenerative disease that affects the nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord. He went to be with the Lord two years ago.

I don't know. Maybe I'm not alone. Maybe we all struggle with envy. It seems like others have it all together. You think that their life is better than yours. But you never know how their life is going to turn out. My life may not be the best. I may not have all the things that I want. Things may not go the way that I desire but I'm still blessed and God supplies all my needs according to his riches in glory through Christ Jesus.

And I'm still here. I still have the opportunity to minister for Jesus. I am privileged to pastor our church. I can still be an influence in my community. I can still make a difference. I should never envy others. Their life may not be as good as you think it is.

On the other hand, I need to remember that I'm chosen by God to be a part of his family. Not everybody can claim that. Sometimes I wonder why God chose me and not someone else in my family or another friend of mine. I am truly blessed beyond measure.

The word of God says be content with what you have. Godliness with contentment is great gain. God always gives you exactly what you need. He knows you well and He knows what you can handle and He has a plan and a purpose for you, which is different from His plan for anyone else. So don't envy others. Count your many blessings.